I was picked on, and picked last, #TRUSTYOURPOWER

It was a hot end of the summer day, a grueling one.  As I hobbled into the car and slammed the door shut, the sound of total emotional defeat washed over me and I slammed my fist against the window.  A brief wave of mildly salt less tears began to brim over my eyes and I threw my Camelbak into the floorboard.  Propping my elbow up on the open window I covered my face so no one could see.  I was so ticked off that today of all days, when i had just the right momentum, was the day that feeling like a failure became the way that people knew me.  The day of my first fifty miler and I had gone off course and missed the time cutoff.  It was just infuriating! I was resolutely disgusted with myself and moved to tears all at once.  The kind of frustrated that a football coach gets after losing an important game, and then his wife knows it is going to be a long ride of silence home, a bad run and a tough day all rolled into one.

It was almost time for the last pick of the NFL draft in 2012 and Derrick Coleman was watching with his mother from the comfort of their living room.  Every fiber of his being wanted to be that final name called because after every single obstacle he had ever overcome and every single challenge he had met and destroyed, he very well deserved it.  When the name was announced on the television, what was hope became crestfallen doubt and frustration.  He had put in all the effort in the world, on top of his undeniable talent, and will to rise above, and he belonged in the game of football.  Still, his name was not called in the NFL draft and he was disappointed.  Maybe coaches had a misconception about what he could do, but he was used to it, his hearing disability tended to create questions in the minds of those who did not know what he could do, but he knew, he knew what he could do.

The day had started off much like any other, you know.  An early as hell wake up call to do final gear check and get dressed and then on to the start line.  Of three waves I was in the third one to start, but still ready to give it a good go until we reached the point of sunrise.  I was running my first fifty miler, but second ultramarathon, and after some early success in ultra distances I was hopeful for a good finish here; however, that was not in the cards for that particular day.  The course itself was much more difficult than I expected and it was hot, too hot for my taste anyways.  I have always been able to deal with the heat, but it absolutely cripples my abilities to add any sort of speed to my run, making me feel weak and powerless.  Somewhere in between the 30 or so mile aid station and the 35 or so mile aid station, otherwise known as Tower Aid Station to those who have run the North Face Endurance Challenge Gore Tex 50 Mile in Georgia, I got so very, very lost.  Not just me, about ten other people and myself, just cruising along, happened to follow the wrong orange sign.  At one point we were on wide, easily managed trails and slowly the wheels turned, and we realized that something was just not right.  By the time I finally burst into the clearing, time was up and I had not made it.

That dejected feeling was horrible!  I had not finished where I always expected to finish.  I always expect to finish, I always see that in myself, but it does not always happen.  I hate to admit it, but as my own harshest critic, things definitely do not always go my way, and I fall short of where I know I can be.  Maybe it is fear, maybe it is physical unpreparedness, maybe it is mental unpreparedness, maybe it is just a little bit of everything, but there is always a lesson to be learned in defeat.  The weakness that you feel in that dark moment can propel some of the greatest successes in your career.  You may not win all the time, and every mile may not be your most brilliant; however, all the work that you put in, all the sweat, all the time, all the effort leads to something great.  As the Nike ad says, "There is no finish line."  All the practice leads to a race, the race gives you an experience, that experience leads you somewhere great, and that somewhere great keeps going and going and going, taking you to races and experiences far in the future.

Derrick Coleman was not going to let the called names in the draft keep him from his dream of getting into the NFL, no matter how it eventually happened.  One failure was not enough to keep him from a team, this roadblock was not the first he had encountered, nor would it be his last, and he stared it down like the enemy within and broke the barrier like no other.  In the words o Derrick himself, "You can always make something work if you really put your mind to it."  He had his mind set on NFL sights, and after dedicating more time and hard work to his mission, he made it onto the Seahawks practice squad.  His mother said, "You know this will not be easy for you," to which he responded, "Mom, when has it ever been easy?"  Eventually he worked his way to the starting lineup as full back, the first deaf full back in NFL offensive history, and his success is proof and inspiration that if at first you do not succeed, try again.  If you do not succeed that time, then just put your mind to it and keep trying, because you are never out of the fight.  There is no finish line that defines you because if you are constantly trying to challenge yourself and grow, there will always be new horizons to reach for.  

That race I failed to complete, the 2011 North Face Endurance Challenge Gore Tex 50 Mile Georgia, did not stop me from coming back in 2013.  I came back more determined than ever and I came back for a personal victory.  I was prepared to run with my heart, I had trained through the blood, sweat, tears, doubt, and fears, and I returned in 2013 for a second go of it.  The day started slow, but I was determined to show the trail who was boss.  Belief can change your world, and it changed mine that day.  I left it all out on the course and finished a long, hot humid day with a finish in 13:32:44 (chip time).  Every champion has a past, and every loser has a future, and in that day, in that moment, I was a champion.  One defeat could not stop me, no one race was going to define me and it would not tell me what I could and could not be.  Thomas Edison said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed.  I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."  It worked for me, it worked for Edison, and it worked for Derrick Coleman, and I encourage everyone to try it, KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

http://results.bazumedia.com/athlete/index/e/5470214

http://www.seahawks.com/

http://www.seahawks.com/team/roster/Derrick-Coleman/0d83f6ed-6b5c-4647-8a6c-8653bec2a21f

I do not own the videos or the pictures or anything, just got them off the internet.

Read, share, love, and comment, and as always, thank you for reading!

I can't tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start. . . . New Year 2014

I am somewhat sure that I might not be good at a lot of things . . . . .
No, screw that, I KNOW that I am not good at a lot of things.  While I have a high level of personal fitness, and have since my days at Berry College, and an almost ethereal connection to running, this "revelation" of sorts makes me recall the time that I was tasked with playing an intramural game of basketball.  One girl had called out sick last minute and the student coach was a friend of mine.  His reasoning and logic were, due to my fitness level, that I must have a natural basketball talent hidden somewhere.  While running is my forte, his assumption was severely erroneous as I lack serious skills in the fast paced manual dexterity department, on top of having absolutely no idea how to play the game.  I walked into the gym and had to laugh at the site of the coach, in a non serious game of intramural basketball, in which he had mistakenly picked the wrong ringer, he was dressed in a plaid suit, complete with a tie.  It was good to know that he took this job seriously.  From the time of the ball tip, it was clear to every spectator in the stands, and there were a lot, with their eyes closed and turned around backwards, that I was one of the worst players there.  That was when, neither the crowd nor I could believe, that I got a breakaway with the ball.  I was dribbling down the court and no one could stop me!  They could not even keep up, my running skills were coming in handy!  I was moving down the court, planning my WNBA future on that breakaway high . . . . . only to hear a whistle blow.  I was being penalized for going the wrong way with the ball.  I was as embarrassed as the time that my future husband met my mother on our first date at 3 a.m. in the driveway in her pajamas, we are talking cheeks so bright red that you might have thought I was sun burnt.  It was only a couple of seconds later that my time on the court was over and I took to my new position, warming up the left bench.  Since those days, I have become a better basketball player; however, the point of the story is that everyone starts somewhere.  While natural talent may be more clear in some than others, fundamentals are the building blocks of fun, and it often takes starting with the fundamentals, and building upon them to create something great.  Running is a sport where everyone starts somewhere, competing against themselves.  Some start at a young age with a great talent, like Meb Keflizighi.  Some start walking and push themselves through intervals to reach a goal race.  It makes every single person who gets out there and gives it a brave effort good at what they try.  You are competing against your fears and doubts that you have, your previous times and performances, to make something better of yourself.  It is 2014 now, and in a new year of new beginnings, it is hard to go further if you do not know where you have come from and where you have been.

Running started for me as a way to transport myself to Chick Fil A for some glorious sweet tea when I was too poor to afford the gas to drive there.  I honestly had no idea how far it was from the house, it was a simple take off and run sort of thing.  Sweet tea and Chick Fil A is worth the run for the soreness I would feel later, right?  I was also doing it to keep up with another little sister.  I mean, I have always done running to accomplish something for myself, but seeing her on the road, just kicking butt and plugging away, making friends and honing her skill, I wanted that for myself.  She had talent, speed, grace, and agility, and believe me I have spent a lifetime trying to catch up to my three ambitious and talented little sisters so I would know.  She was doing the Atlanta Half Marathon and, with the promised of a medal, and lets face it, who doesn't like getting a medal?, I signed up for the Georgia Half Marathon the following spring.  I spent my days on the road traversing up and down the hills near my house, in and out of the trails at the parks, and come race day, with shoes too small, I was ready.  My little sister was there for the full marathon, her first, and I was determined, with my heart undaunted, to finish my first half marathon.  I swear it was longer and harder than the 13.1 I had envisioned in my head, but hey, aren't they all?  Nothing in racing ever seems to go exactly according to plan, but in the end, when we cross the finish, we are grateful for having done so.

After that race, I spent a year doing half marathons, circling back to the Atlanta Half Marathon towards the end of the year, and to this day, it remains one of my favorite races.  It does not matter whether the weather is bad or its cold and freezing, some 6,000 people will still show up for that race on Thanksgiving morning and triumph over the extra long turkey trot.  It took a few races, but eventually I had one good race effort that lead to me barely squeaking by my little sister's half marathon PR.  

Since one goal was accomplished, a new goal had to be set.  Completing a marathon, which I assumed would only be twice as hard, was where I set my sights.  In the process, I barely finished one twenty mile run on the roads around my home, but still remained optimistic in terms of what I could achieve in the long distance race.  I made friends with one of the best running buddies I have and together we went to the race.  She finished in fantastic fashion, qualifying for Boston yet again, and I limped in blister, bruises, and all barely on my own two feet.  

People sometimes ask me, after my various marathoning experiences, what I would change or if there is any advice that I could give them.  After the magnitudinal pain of the first one, I always say, "Do not, under any circumstances, forget the body glide!"  I will never forget that first marathon, the bad weather, and the horrendous chafing on my thighs.  I will never forget that first experience, but I am grateful for it, because I will now and forevermore never forget that important tool that helps me to stay chafe and blister free throughout most races.  I still have not caught up to my little sister's marathon PR, like I said, she's both talented and fast, but, I am on my way there.  

Around the time that I started running marathons, my little sister was eyeing ultra marathons.  People always tell me, "Never say never," and they would be right because doing it once usually leads to doing it once more, and once more, till you have a whole wall full of accomplishments to display and be proud of.  When I began to run, I never saw myself running ultras, I never even saw myself running marathons.  To me, it was too much, too much time, too much training, too specialized, just plain too much of everything to make it worth my while.  Still, something got into me and I thought, "Just one 50k, just to say I have done an ultra."  The Georgia Jewel, in its first year, was both easy to access and easy to run and train for.  I enjoyed it, aghast that the human body, especially my human body, could have traveled so far.  It may seem unnatural to some, but my heart is in what I do and while a lot of things can be explained away, the desires and determinations of the heart cannot be explained away.  Something about being able to endure and last has me ensconced and makes me feel so alive.  Sure they are hard, and challenging, but in challenging what is hard we tend to find out more about ourselves than we previously thought we knew.

So the story goes, and the legend is still being written.  When I started running, I thought that there was nothing more to my tale than half marathons in too small shoes and marathons in cotton socks with bloody thighs.  I was an ordinary person, just trying something new, never knowing where it would take me or what it would do for me.  I never thought it would take me any further than local races around my hometown.  Today, I am still an ordinary person who mostly races around her hometown and runs with friends and enjoys herself; however, because I wanted to challenge myself and try something different, I have done more than I ever thought possible.  I am not super fast, and I will probably never win, but in going about doing what I love, and adhering to the "No Weakness, No Limits" rule, I have achieved so much, with so much left to do.

This is a new year, 2014, and with it come new resolutions and standards that I hold myself to: 

1) Qualify for Western States 100 (my dream)

2) Run an Ironman (I have never done one before, and just want the chance to prove myself)

3) Finish top 3 at the Tough Mudder and Spartan Races in Georgia (finished top 10 at Spartan last year and running my first Tough Mudder this year)

4) Stay organized and keep the house clean (I admit I am not a neat freak and cleaning is not "fun" for me)

5) Reduce body fat to an already specified number (helps in some of my other New Year's resolutions)

6) Be able to do a pull up and a muscle up (while I have upper body strength, I have never been able to do either one of these) 

7) Finally climb that rope at Spartan Race (my hardest obstacle at every Spartan Race, stupid rope I will defeat you this year)      

8) Finish my personal trainer certification and either get a job with it or start my own business helping people reach their goals (I have put a lot of work into this and hopefully will be successful in my pursuits)  

The point of my resolutions are to take me further than I have gone before, and because I know where I started and place the no limits standard upon myself, I know that I will achieve every last one of these goals and more.  I intend to challenge myself and go places, just like everyone who reads this, because I know I can (and I bet you can too)!  Go out and make 2014 your best yet!

"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand." - Vince Lombardi